I raced again tonight. Its hard to describe how I feel when I race. Nervous. Frightened. Petrified. I always wonder if this is the day. The day with which I'll be remembered. My one juvenile mistake. The one thing I know I shouldn't have done but I do anyway. My heart thuds so hard against my chest - begging to be freed. Maybe today.
I feel the vessels on my temple pulsing to the beat. Only there is no music. I shudder. Adrenaline and the ice-cold breeze don’t go well together. I wonder if what I look like in this state as I grip the steering wheel, knuckles cold and unfeeling. I'd check, but the mirror is for that last car. The one driver that’s always trying to use the bypass right before we're off. Not wondering why 3 cars are parked like that, engines running, drivers silent - focussed. Girlfriends silent - shit scared.
He's gone.
No fanfare. No squealing of tires. Its all almost somewhat reluctant. An afterthought. Silence and a surge.
This is not my race.
His car leaps ahead. He's the one with the supercharger. Naturally, It should do that. I can almost imagine the g-forces pushing her back in her seat. Her thinking to herself this is the last time she's riding with him. I hear his car hiss. From the tiny hole that’s not supposed to be there. Sounds all too snake-like. He likes it that way. Him on the other hand. We don’t know much. His car should be fast, sure. But he's new. Inexperienced. My edge? I know this route. I race it all the time. Every curve, bend and bump is seared in the back of my head.
The longest and shortest five minutes of my life.
The road flies by so fast. Swerve. Weave. Accelerate. My car feels much too old now. The way I push it, it wont last very long. The engine wail says it all. Hold on - this is the last race, I whisper, just this one. The back suddenly slips out jolting me out of my reverie. And for a brief instant, my heart leaps free - as I pound the brakes. I slow down. And the race is over.
We get out of the cars. We laugh and talk about the bump we all hit. The driver we missed narrowly. The near spin-out he almost had. My heartbeat slowly running down to normal
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