My Remotely Personal

Heroism

2010-11-10T02:27:00.000-08:00

Or Why I stopped trying to be a hero

We geeks live in our own personal dream world. We grow up in the closed spaces of our minds - bored with the real world, miserable about our sad existence - our only escape being computers, comics and videogames. To be honest, that's not entirely true about geeks, but I thought it'd be a nice way to set the tone.

I'm going to tell you the story of why I stopped trying to be a hero. And yes, it is personal

All my life I wanted to matter. It always saddened me when I looked back at my life and couldn't remember that one defining moment when I made a change so profound that it literally made someone - anyone sit up and take notice. We all like to make an impact while we still walk this earth. I believed if I could... save someone's life - at the cost of my own even then at least I'll have lived for something. It's not something I thought about every day or waking moment. It was always something at the back of my mind. Like an ever-present sense of non-accomplishment

If I know you personally, you've probably heard this story before in some form. I just couldn't get myself to write it until now

It was a dark night. Clear sky. About 2 years ago. I'd been out partying with my friends. I was a little inebriated but I was taking my girlfriend home. Back in those days, she used to live at the end of the world - Munyonyo (to some of you). Uneventful drive, but in the final lonely home run stretch we cleared a hill and came across something amazing. I had to ask her if she could see what I saw.

A car - an SUV, had flipped on its side almost blocking the right lane. As we slowed down to pass, me - marveling at something so cool, and her - well probably the same - I realised to my horror there was someone still inside. Caucasian female banging on the glass inside.

The next few minutes went by crazy fast. I remember thinking to myself how I used to speed like crazy along that route. I remember imagining what would happen if some unlucky driver was to do the same at that ungodly hour. The accident was in a blind spot. It would be, well catastrophic.

Heart thumping, I parked a ways from the car. Flipped on my hazard lights for any cars. We got out of the car, me and girlfriend. The woman inside the flipped SUV banged a little more. There was blood - I yelled for her to unlock the doors - she passed out. I knew we had to get her out of there… but how? We tried to open the passenger door - nothing. Back door. Nothing. It seemed falling on the right had side had jammed the central locking somehow. All I could think about was unlucky driver racing down Buziga road at 2 am. I suggested we break the glass. Girlfriend looked for the rock. I wedged my arm the best I could under the car and into it to reach the car keys from the ignition. It was a really tight fit, but I managed anyway. I went back to the back door tried with the keys. Nothing. Dammit! In my frustration I banged the back door and I heard something pop . Tried the door again. Success. The woman inside started coming to. So I reached in. Yelled for her "Lady, give me your hand!!" I had to go in all the way for her. I helped her out. All I could see was the blood. I carried her partways to my car to get her to a hospital she struggled on the way so I had to put her down. And time slowly slowed back down to normal

She was hysterical. All she could do was cry on my shoulder for the first few minutes. She kept going on about some guy who had ran her off the road. But I could tell she'd been drinking. I asked if she needed to go to the hospital, she said no, and cried some more. I asked if there's anyone we could reach. Her phone was still in the car. I went back in and got it. We tried to call some numbers. Finally got through. The guy on the other end didn't seem very concerned. He lived nearby - but didn't exactly want to leave home to come fetch her. Some boda boda men had come around. 2 or 3. A neighbour had come out of his house - torch and gown. When she'd calmed down, she seemed more concerned about her car. She wanted it flipped back. We wanted to get her help. Someone

At first I thought I'd misheard when she mentioned something that sounded racist. I figured well, alcohol or her guy is a douche. Then she said it again. She said…

She said all she wanted was her freakin' car flipped. And that we were all pretty much stupid baddugavu. Well, stupid black people who didn't know shit. She said more than that - I don't remember. But I was taken aback. I looked around, and saw there were more than enough people willing to help her for a price. I told girlfriend, "Let's go"

I was mad. Jumped in the car, started the engine. And I drove. But in those few seconds, I got off my adrenaline high and reality came rushing back to me. I tried to save her. I stopped. I did every thing in my power to make sure she was alright. Panicked for her. Tried to get her to a hospital. Tried… to do all these things that in the end didn't matter. I guess I'm just not very used to racism directed at me, but that was incredibly painful. After all I'd done - ok, tried to do, I was still lower than dirt

It literally broke me.

It's like - my whole life had been building up to this point. Here's where you matter, Dante. Here's where you do something someone will remember you by - and walk into the sunset. Slow-motion?

We all grow up some time. You learn about purpose. Some people pursue happyness - some money. Its all our never-ending search to justify our existence. Why am I here? What will complete me?

There is this poignant scene in Kick Ass that got me somewhat misty eyed. When Dave gets caught in his first fight with 3 guys over some guy who tripped over him. And he's fighting, getting beat down some, trying to hold his own - but he basically can't win. And he knows this

One guy says to him "The ---- is wrong with you, man? You'd rather die for some piece of shit that you don't even ----ing know? "

And Dave says something like "Three a--holes, laying into one guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what's wrong with me? Yeah, I'd rather die... so bring it on!"

Being a hero is as overrated as it is selfish. This is my story

Oh blah di

2010-10-11T12:22:00.000-07:00

I blogged to get chicks. There! I said it.

Life is an amazing journey. No lie. This week has been one of reflection. I somehow find myself in the same exact place i was 4 years ago - Kigali, Rwanda - bored, seated in front of my computer - blogging for the first time in a long time. So much changes in 4 years. I'm using a laptop, for starters. Mobile internet. Watching dstv at the same time. I'm wearing a tie now. Shirt and trousers, not tshirt and jeans. I realise i don't remember much that's transpired in the past 4 years. I know a lot has gone down for sure, but it reminds me of this book I read in my S.4, 1999. The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I'd read it, I'd enjoy the hell out of it. But by the time i was done with the 3rd part, I couldn't remember details of the 1st book. So i'd read it again & feel like i was experiencing the story afresh. I'll never underestimate the human mind's ability to forget things.

I'm not in a relationship anymore. Things don't always work out the way we plan. But that's alright. I've found you can learn so much more in one breakup than you do in the space of a relationship. It's an emotional rollercoaster i tell you. Decisions end up being the most difficult and easiest choices you ever made. But when the dust is settled. You find you're still here. You're alive. And you actually feel good. And grown. And that people need to mind their own damn business. Everyone's a friggin expert. Truth is, if you don't know both sides to a story, you know nothing

I own a car. Girls say guys obsess too much about their cars, and while i'd like to say that's not true, i love my car. I used to leave campus back in the day to relax and think. I'd go home get in my mum's car and drive. It was such a relaxing feeling back then. Driving your own car trumps that by far. It's high maintenance. But darn it if it isn't worth every shilling. She's not much of a looker, regular toyota. Silver. Shiny some days, dusty others. But she's mine

I'm not sad anymore. I read a blog post i wrote back then. And i was so so sad. It's not that i was lonely, but i always felt I had a chunk missing. It's like in the past 4 years I found it - and now i am whole. Whole-ish.

I've lost friends. I've gained new ones. Back then, everytime someone I knew died, i'd get a shock. Like I need to rethink my life or something. But now, to be honest, I think i have lived. Whatever mental list of things i wanted to do while i was young and had the energy, I have tried to accomplish. Except sky-diving, maybe. Life has definitely been exciting. And before this starts to sound like a suicide note, i'll say I'm sure there's a lot more to come (even though i doubt)

I'm tempted to lol at points in this post. I blame the twitter, text, chat - age. Which reminds me. There was no facebook 4 years ago. Or twitter. I used to breath IRC chat. Yes, i know i've said Chat chat. But i'm sure many people missed that. Twitter is solely responsible for my inability to type out a post longer than a paragraph. Or a story interesting enough to captivate an audience for more than 5 seconds.

There is no point to this diatribe. So i'll summarize. Something something I've changed, something something chicks,... something something i'm blogging again

My mojo is taking it's time. But i'm back for the time being

Hi

2009-02-05T02:20:00.000-08:00

Long time. Warrup?!

Wedding Rant

2008-12-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

FYI

Do NOT send me wedding meeting invitations if we haven't been chatty in the last year or so
Do NOT expect me to RSVP if I'm planning to cut your wedding reception
Its YOUR wedding - between you and your husband. If I cut because of:-

Genuine reason
Better plan
Couldn't be bothered to attend

DEAL with it!

Its tiresome enough to have one girl all up on your case about missing her wedding. But EVERY girl?!

Mozambique

2008-10-31T01:05:00.000-07:00

Been in Mozambique for the past 2 weeks now. It must be awesome for people these ends living on one huge beach. The whole country is essentially one beach. Since its pretty much Portuguese country, they are Meditteranean through and through. Sea food, olive oil, palm trees, coconuts and sunbathing.

Yes, I'm having a blast. Yes the ladies are hot hot HOTT! But me i'm more interested in the food (honest). I'm not really a seafood type of guy, these guys have the best tasting prawns ever!

One thing i miss though, is ketchup. They only have olive oil and vinegar here.

I'm not much of a reader. The only writer who's books I read is probably Terry Pratchett. I'm mostly interested in fantasy books, and there are not that many great writers I know these days. I happen to be an absolute movie fan. Not as much as him - he watches everything. Me - I just geek out about the type of movies I like to watch, which is pretty much Sci-Fi, Fantasy & Superhero stuff.

I don't know if this is normal, but I read everything I can on movies. I read casting news, previews, reviews, impressions and scripts. Latinoreview and Aint-it-Cool news are favourite haunts of mine. As is The Editing Room now. Anyway, my point is last night while everyone was at BHH, I read a really really awesome script for Prince Of Persia, which will star Jake Gyllenhaal. I had so much fun reading it I felt I had to share. Click here.

Splat!

2008-10-25T03:36:00.000-07:00

"Oh shit!" moment

Ever had one of those "This is going to hurt" moments? This morning, I was leaning way too far out of a non-empty bathtub - over a sink for a towel hanging on the door... and I caught my reflection in the mirror

Dad

2008-10-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

For the relationship I wish I had

For never being the son you always wanted me to be

For the mistakes I've made, the wrongs I've done

For knowing I'd be lucky to be half the man you are

For when you'll say you're proud of me

Just once

Even if you lie

My Father, my hero

Wednesday

2008-10-15T02:53:00.000-07:00

The Daily Monitor today featured this article on World Sight/Cane day.

Article boring to me, and then this caught my eye

I lol-ed for like half an hour - I kid u not. That there is Geordi La Forge from Star Trek : Next Generation. Couldn't the editors find ONE picture of a real blind person on the Net or their archives to put instead of this?

There was a bit of drama in the office this morning. There was an attempted robbery last night but the guys were caught by the security company. Turns out, one of them was part of our support staff, who also stayed at the office premises. He had an ok thing going. A place to stay. A steady-enough job. Pity. Sad thing was when office activities were stopped for 30 minutes because (during interrogation) he suggested he had been informed by an employee that there would be money in office that night. We were called out for him to identify the person who'd given him the information. Turned out he was lying. I've never seen anyone in my life receive such a slap. Jarring.

Ever since Melanie started blogging and commenting on posts about her, I find myself liking her a lot more - and disliking Fatboy. Before I didn’t care. Even enjoyed Fatboy egging her into saying something silly.

I must be the only person who went to the Jazz festival and didn’t think it was orgasmic. It was an okay time, people - easy on the accolades

When I was car hunting, I dropped by JapaneseVehicles.com to look around. I asked for a price quote, they ended up adding me to their newsletter. Now, I get holiday messages all the time and today, a Happy Halloween offer.

Today, I got a Hi5 invite from my dad. My 60 yr old retired dad.

What have you done this morning?

Electro

2008-09-11T01:39:00.000-07:00

Alright. So we're still alive. There's a good reason for it too. See yesterday wasn’t the first particle collision. It was just a beam test. So pretty much - the machine works. The actual collision is set for October 21st. You have an extension, puny humans, unbelievers. Use it

In other news, I discovered a new superpower I didn’t know I had.

Three years ago, an Australian man built up so much static electricity in his clothes as he walked that he burned carpets, melted plastic and sparked a mass evacuation.

Frank Clewer, of the western Victorian city of Warrnambool, was wearing a synthetic nylon jacket and a woollen shirt when he went for a job interview.

As he walked into the building, the carpet ignited from the 40,000 volts of static electricity that had built up.

"It sounded almost like a firecracker or something like that," he said.

"Within about five minutes, the carpet started to erupt," he told Australian radio.

Perplexed firemen evacuated the building and cut its electricity supply, thinking the burns could have been caused by a power surge.

"There were several scorch marks in the carpet, and we could hear a cracking noise - a bit like a whip - both inside and outside the building," said fire official Henry Barton.

Mr Clewer said that after leaving the building, he scorched a piece of plastic in his car. His clothes were measured by firemen as carrying an electrical charge of 40,000 volts; the Reuters news agency quoted Mr Barton as saying. The fire official added that the charge was close to being high enough to cause the items to spontaneously combust.

"I've been fire fighting for over 35 years and I've never come across anything like this," he said.

This story happened about 3 years ago. I got some nice woollen pants recently. Very comfortable. Problem is, going about my daily activities they tend to produce a lot of static. So pretty much every metal object I touch at the end of my day gives me a nasty electric shock. It’s usually my car. At first I thought it was something was up with the electric system, but when the gate shocked me …

I've tried to stun people with my static, it doesn’t seem to work. Up till yesterday the only thing I could do was raise bits of paper slightly without touching them. But last night...

Last night I lit a light bulb

Doom

2008-09-10T00:00:00.001-07:00

This just in, the world as we know it, is about to end!

Today

You know it's a great time to be alive when you hear scientists are about to flip the on-switch to what could very well be the world's first true Doomsday Device. For the people who've been living under a non-scientific rock, the long wait for the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - which was conceptualised over 3 decades ago, is coming to a close. It's basically an all-powerful particle collider which when turned on, will (theoretically) push even Particle Physicists in uncharted territory.

Why this is dangerous

No one really knows what's going to happen when they turn on "the new machine, which is designed to accelerate protons to energies of 7 trillion electron volts and then bang them together to produce tiny primordial fireballs, miniature versions of the (theoretical) Big Bang
Critics have argued the Institute that designed the machine have intentionally downplayed the risk that the collider could produce a black hole that would swallow the Earth, or that it could create some other dangerous particle
Why this is cool
This is the stuff Science Fiction is made of!!!
Who doesn't like explosions and stuff?!
All that you know… is at an end (Silver Surfer…2004)

The Call

2008-06-30T00:59:00.000-07:00

...how do you go back to being ordinary, when you've been so much more?

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it, too
Doesn't means that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye

...farewell Peter, Susan. we had so little time

BHH

2008-06-26T04:10:00.000-07:00

"Antipop is here." I'm awake at 3 in the morning, typing out this blog post. Woke up for some odd reason and couldn’t go back to sleep. Got around to thinking about BHH and how awesome it was. And I started writing this post in my head. Do you guys ever do that? Find yourselves blogging in your head? Used to happen to me a lot back when I was a real blogger.

Oh that first line? That’s how the post was supposed to begin in my head. Darlyne sent me that message when I was about 10 minutes away. Its no secret I've been dying to meet Antipop. Carlo was asking if she's allowed to be jealous of someone I've never met. Heh. She better be jealous of Angelina Jolie. And Beyonce. And Nina Mercedez. List is long.

The crowd was HUGE. This must be the biggest turnout we've had since… sniff… Jackfruity left us. I didn’t even know where to begin. Headed straight for Mr.B2B, till Heaven! announced my presence. And then Kissyfur was pointing Antipop out to me. Am I that obvious? So I went over and said hello. Where was the attitude?! Where was the punctuating sentences with cuss words? Antipop was as docile and down to earth as they came. Nice. Woah - nice?! Antipop nice? I'd heard rumors, but I didn’t want to believe it. I'd half-expected to be the next loser on board. I suspect Savage is the one person left who lives up to that badass, take no prisoners rep. He better not disappoint. Bad enough he took pictures at Fotogenix and posted on Facebook. And he was smiling in some. That’s not Badass!

Roll call. Now maybe I don’t read blogs that often, but a couple of people expected DeTamble's sister, Princess to be jumping on tables, she seemed more regal than that to me. She came with a new blogger, Dusk. Awesome blog handle, right? Yeah. She seemed pretty cool. They mentioned Dante was way cooler than my real name-that-must-not-be-mentioned. I usually get that out of the way quickly so we can focus on my more - positive … attributes. Darlyne was there. Feeling a bit more popular given the turnout. Mistakenly assuming it was because people read her blog as opposed to the Kampalan. ;-)Mr. B2B was his same cool self. Eddyslahh - who I found out was actually in the same hall as I was in campus and (shock, horror) reads my blog. Who does that anymore? He came with his brother. Our sweet slice of Heaven! showed. Chanel too. As did Duksey(its true, she's glowing). The Bubbles girl herself, Kissyfur was there (no Tandra in sight - I'm guessing Rowe had something to do with that).

Yeah. And the 27th Comrade even grovelled. What do you say to that? Thank you? At ease? As you were. Yeah, that sounds right. As you were. But seriously Rev, I wish I were badass enough to deserve a genuine grovel. Wish I were a badder hacker - or … wait! Did you guys hear the story of the public schools in New Jersey that were shut down for a couple of hours when students reported seeing get this a NINJA in the woods?! How awesome is that? They saw a friggin' NINJA! What could be more badass than a NINJA! So Rev, when I become Ninja, then you can grovel, deal? Ninjas, Pirates, Zombies and Robots. All very cool. Well the ninja turned out to be some camp counselor who was late for a costume party and took a shortcut through the woods or something. But I know what I'm going as, October 31st. A friggin' Ninja in the woods!

After a while, Carlo showed up. Everyone was taking pictures by then. I'm sure they'll show up on someone's blog soon. I'm photophobic. But in recovery. I can pretty much pose for any picture now. Just the facial tic that gives it away sometimes. Ivan turned up too. Later than usual, but he showed. As did Ishta - who seemed to be on other plot completely. All good fun. All good. So many new faces (to me at least). MIA were Mrs. B2B, Tandra, Tumwi, Baz… We had a good time. Talked, laughed. And before we knew it, everyone was gone. Some relocated to Rock nite, others - to this really hot Kasiki that was going down in Rouge. And others still to their homes. To sleep and wake up at 3 am. To write their first blog post in months.

That’s it. I cant promise to be more regular. But then again, at 4, I cant promise anything except maybe, I'm not missing the next BHH. It just keeps getting better. Dante out

Tag II

2008-05-22T02:19:00.000-07:00

One thing's for sure, I never let a tag pass me by

Four Jobs I've worked
• Cook- Fastfood restaurant
• IT Assistant
• Applications Developer
• Consultant

Four movies I would watch over and over
• The Incredibles
• I Robot
• Spiderman 2
• The Matrix

Four places I have lived
• Bukoto
• Ntinda
• Naggalabi
• Mutundwe

Four TV shows I love
• Journeyman
• How I Met Your Mother
• LOST
• Bleach

Four places I have been on vacation
• Ssese Islands
• Kigali
• Pretoria
• Port Elizabeth

Four of my favourite foods
• Nandos Mediterranean Grilled chicken
• Chinese food
• Buttered Chicken Tikka /w Veggie rice
• Cheese wrapped in Ham

Four places I would rather be now
• In bed
• In front of a HDTV with surround sound playing Xbox360 or PS3
• On vacation again
• With her

Blogger

2008-05-22T01:58:00.000-07:00

Just because I blog like once every 3 months don't mean i'm not a blogger anymore

Tagged

2008-02-28T06:53:00.001-08:00

I have been tagged by Carlo and Darlyne. Always wondered why i'd never been tagged before. 6 Facts about me.

I have a slow response to shock. It takes a while for the enormity/gravity of a situation to hit me. And by the time it does, the immediate danger is usually well over. As such, I've had 2 near death experiences. One involving a knife stab to the chest - in which the knife broke, and another involving a Fuel tanker, a traffic jam, a hill, a truck with no brakes and an irate passenger
I'm a gadget maniac. I've creeped out a couple of people on more than one occasion when they stood between me and my object of desire. My favorite possession is my Sony PSP. I also tot around 2 phones. An iPhone, because its oozes cool, and a Sony Ericsson K750 - because I can't seem to let go. I'm a hardcore gamer - the videogame type. I've owned a Master System, PS1, PS2, PSP, Xbox 360 and in total own about 200+ games.
I'm a fan of silly humor - as opposed to intelligent. One picture off-of lolcats, or cheezburgercatz can have me rolling on the floor all day. I've also said so before, vulgarity cracks me up

I like to surprise people. Everytime someone says, "wow, I didn't know you could do that!" I take it as a job well done. As such, your second impression of me is usually different from the first, and the third. I can play the recorder, juggle, do card tricks, been to dance class. I've bungee jumped, whitewater rafted... and the list grows

When I was younger, I seriously believed I was adopted. I was different from everyone, I was tiny and I was hairy. Worse, I liked to climb things - break things and get into trouble. I've tried to ride a dog, a cow and a cat (yes). I fought with a kite over a piece of meat once. I've wolfed down rat poison on more than one occasion, but only because the pellets tasted nice. I always wondered who my real parents were.

I believe one day, my super human abilities will manifest and I will be a lot more than a footprint in the sand.

I tag Be_Silent, 2weakdudes, Iwaya, Ishta, Baz, Mr. B2b. The rules are

1. Link back to your tagger

2. Post these rules in your submission

3. Share six things/habits/quirks/whatever about you in your submission

4. Tag six [random] people at the end of it

5. Tell each taggee via comments that he/she done been tagged

6. There is no sixth rule

Life

2008-02-05T06:27:00.001-08:00

So I switched jobs. The last boat had become a little shaky so I needed to bail. Unfortunately, this also meant as soon as this new company offered me a life-line, I took it. The point of switching jobs is usually to get more money. I didn't get that. That said, working here - does have its perks. For one, I get a more decent-looking wardrobe. I could have done that anyway, but somehow, I felt I needed an excuse. Then, not being in an entirely IT-centric firm means people generally don't expect too much from you. Tasks I could fix in my sleep make jaws drop. How can i forget delegation? I get to reassign tasks i'm assigned! How cool is that? There's always the change of scenery. And the promise of travel, which management felt was a pretty good motivational factor to get people to sign contracts. We did.

There's also the crappy bits. Like the meetings. Like today I sat in a meeting I was totally unprepared for. I had no idea what the hell everyone was talking about. I've come to realise I hate concepts. The people I was meeting with were rambling on about abstracts and conceptual models. I was bored to death. Wondering where we get to the bit where they tell me what exactly i'm supposed to be doing. The practical bit. Maybe it's a blessing, I don't know - but I've been told I hide a lot behind my often "calm" demeanour. It doesn't matter whether I'm freaked out, or terribly excited. I hide it well. Not that I mean to - most times anyway. Today I think I almost got caught. I practically dozed off with my eyes open. One minute I was nodding to everything the guy was rambling to me about - the next, I could have sworn he was speaking a whole other language. I mastered an interesting technique though. Apparently its too easy to feign interest in someone's rant, if only you can keep track of the last bits he says, and repeat them back to him

Case;

"Analysing and processing the data for all the health centres on a district level would be such a huge undertaking… and you know, such a task would be big"

"…very big"

It helps if you're nodding in agreement. Hell, as he was talking I was writing my blog post in my head. Hmm... I'd sorta missed that.

Then there's the trainings. They get tiresome. Especially since they don't allow you to surf, chat or blog during. Pity excuses like "I'm IT, I can only type. I forgot how to write" don't work anymore. So at the beginning of this Sales training, we were asked to introduce ourselves, hobbies… that stuff - and at the end, tell a joke. There's people you can put on the spot and ask them to tell you a funny joke. And you're laughing even before the punch line. Like the pastor in my church. I'm not one of those people I think. The only jokes I have in my head are grossly inappropriate Little Johnny jokes. I find vulgarity funny. Juvenile. I know. So when it came to my turn, I told them I was going to tell a useless fact instead...

"Did you know that cassava is in fact poisonous? That it contains trace amounts of cyanide - the poison. The more bitter the cassava the higher the concentration of cyanide. Cooking nullifies this. So eating bitter, raw cassava greatly improves your chances of dying"

They seemed to find this funny.

In other news, there's my girlfriend. Who I seldom blog about, but I'm crazy about anyway. She meets a fairly ok- guy at a wedding (which I was at - but I'm not territorial like that) who asks her out for dinner and a movie a couple of days later. Naturally this bugs me a little (which she cant discern), but it seems she really wants to go "free food and free movie", I figure I could get something from the deal. She gets her date with a guy she just met - I get a date with a girl I just met. And yet somehow - this is apparently unfair to her ((shakes head and falls of chair like Tandra))

Discovery

2008-02-03T22:32:00.001-08:00

Did you know that it is possible to blog using your Microsoft Word 2k7 and just publish automatically? Pretty cool. I guess this means I'm blogging again. Doubt anyone comes here anymore anyways J

Aftermath

2007-10-13T16:48:00.000-07:00

Directions:
Kansanga -> Past KIU -> Past The Kobil -> Take A Left up Mitala Road -> Take The Right -> Look out for Nisha Salon -> Opposite that is a sign post saying Kiwafu Crescent, go down that Road and THA PARTY IS AT HOUSE NUMBER 16

Hostesses. Foreign air hostesses. They were so many. Two of them had to squeeze upfront. I was trying not to brush up against her. Long legs that went on forever. Do you know how hard it is to try not to do something like that at the same time shift gears? Try changing gears with 2 fingers. It didn’t help that the second gear became that much harder to engage than usual.

I drove carefully. If only so they wouldn’t spill their drinks in my mum's car. I was quiet most of the way. All of it actually. Instead I listened, and drifted in and out of my thoughts. Young. Beautiful. Still had the zest for life. Talked like they had no care in the world. I was ignored mostly. When they didn't speak English, they spoke another tongue - one I couldn't place. But I daresay it sounded Elven.

I am a simple guy. I'd like to say i live a simple life. Truth is, I live a safe existence. All my life its what I've known. Its nowhere near fast-paced and exciting as that of some of the people I've met. My truly intense moments are so far apart. Years. I find my happiness in the small things - the funny things. But sometimes, I wonder. Sometimes… its so much easier not to be me. Why must I be the guy who thinks it perfectly ordinary to spend a weekend on a beautiful island with his girlfriend and not sleep with her? Why can't I be that guy who arrives at The Basement with four girls apiece. Four beautiful foreign girls with exotic accents. Whose words you can envision rolling off their tongues in a symphony of melody - beckoning you to come hither. Why do I always have to be the guy who worries about not being the jerk. The guy who thinks he can be different. The nice guy. When it's so much easier not to be. To not bother. Sometimes I want … I don't even know what I want. Freedom? No inhibitions? Its like I haven't lived enough. For God's sakes I'm only 24! I don’t know what the hell I'm talking about! Today, a little bit of me understands why my girlfriend so badly wants a tongue-ring

I'm no stranger to driving at night. I'm not really night blind. I just can't see all that well at night. Every passing bright headlight leaves in its wake a fleeting moment of temporary blindness. It lasts only about a fraction of a second, but its there. You get used to it. Being shortsighted, you get used to not seeing things clearly all the time. You learn to focus on the little things. The small things. The distance your car is from the left bank of the road. The barely visible paint-lines that once marked the road lanes. But more importantly, the hazy red bloom of the tail lights of the car infront of you. They are my guide usually. Brake when he brakes. Swerve when he swerves. Its almost hypnotic. Its easy to fall into this trance. When you're not asleep, but you're not quite awake either. When your thoughts morph into dreams and back again. Till your not sure which is which anymore. People have died because of this.

One of them reminded me I'd just missed the turn to Equatoria. I cussed under my breath. I was on auto-pilot again. I turned the car around & dropped them off at their stop, said my goodbyes. She asked me if I was going in with them. I politely declined, biting my lip all the way. Made up something about me being tired and all. Too bad, she said. she'd see me around. I drove the rest of the way back home. In my haze of dreams and thoughts. It took forever. And as I lay on my bed that night, waiting for sleep to catch up with me. I couldn’t help but think...

God I need to move out!

Today

2007-09-02T23:30:00.001-07:00

Today, I hit her. My wife, the love of my life. Where did it all start to go wrong? Is it one event? One moment? One word? One fight? Does it even exist? We truly were happy. Weren't we? At 25, the bank job was going great. I had my own car. The Asians were gone. I got that house cheap after that. There was the supermarket too, the land. All opportunities. All good fortune. What do you do when you're this successful in the 70's? Well, I got married. And we were happy. Great children. Good friends.

This beer doesn't taste too good. James really is running this place into the ground. Everything tastes the same now. Bland

The bank collapsed. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, they say. Or is it chickens? I'm not that dumb. Not all my eggs were in that basket. Just most of them. Even after we invested our blood and sweat into this God-forsaken bank, the managers screwed us! They played with our money. All this time. They played golf, and bought pads. They made bad business decisions. This was the peoples' bank. Our bank! Our blood and sweat. MY bloo…

I really need to find a new bar. The crowd here is too loud. Pretenders - the lot of them. They're just as miserable as I am

Everything I touched after that went downhill. Did it? No - that wasn’t it. I lost a little here, a little there. Nothing too major. I could deal. It was just a slump. The best was yet to come. My kids were growing up. Still the best schools. It was easy. They were smart. Just like their old man, right? My good friends were still there. We all have bad days, sure. But that’s what the bar is for. I'm not an alcoholic. This is not one of those stories. My wife thought I drank too much. Doesn't every wife? She nags a little more lately. I prefer the bar. I am every man. Aren't I?

I think I've reached my limit. I could swear that girl right there in the corner was ugly a second ago. There goes another tremor. Too many in Kampala these days, I say. Buildings will start falling at this rate.

I am in jail. I borrowed money to re-invest. I needed to take care of some bills. The stupid bank couldn't be patient enough. I always get their money! Always. They just need to be patient. Do they think throwing me in jail will get their money back? It’s a small loan. I'll be out soon. Just 2 more months to go. 6 months is nothing. My eldest son wont come visit. Do I embarrass him now? I'm his father, for God's sake! At least the rest of the kids come by every now and then. My wife doesn’t nag too much. She looks at me sad and strange. She doesn't say much.

Easy, easy. Key into ignition. Right. Seat belt - fastened. Rear-view mirror - check. There's not too much traffic today. At least I'm not staying home tonite. The lodge's not too far.

Maybe I chose wrong. How do you see 30 years into the future? How do you know she wont always love you unconditionally?! How do you know she wont always support you? Be there for you. Thick and thin. Richer or poorer. Richer or poorer! You don't. Right? You can't. She nags and pecks nowadays. The fights get louder. I try to walk away. I try. Its not my fault nothing seems to be working out. I try! My eldest son hasn’t spoken to me in 7 years. He's in Europe. She's sending all the children out, as soon as they finish University. Two of them are in Canada now. I think she's planning to leave me. The last two are finishing soon. Then she'll send them away too… then what will I have? My best friend died last month. Am I that old? Now only 2 of us friends are left. Its only a matter of time.

Today, we went to a party. I forgot to bring the cassettes she said I should bring. Our old songs. Our memories. She wouldn't let it rest. She embarassed me in front of my friends. She does that a lot. We can't fight in public. So I can't talk back. I tried to get her to stop. I joked about it. On the way back home, she started complaining again. Complaining about how useless I am. How I drank too much. How forgetful I am. How I can't do anything right. How sad and miserable I am!

After 35 years. After being stripped of everything you hold dear. What makes you a man. Your pride, your dignity. Your self-worth. Something turned. Something snapped. Something broke. I stopped the car. I slapped her. Not once.
She got out of the car and ran. Crying her heart out! What had I done!? I ran out after her. I grabbed her. She fought me. I held on. I'm sorry, I cried. I'm sorry! She cried. And I wept. She stopped fighting me. I told her at least I'd take her back home. And I led her back to the car.

For what they're charging in this lodge, the least they could do is have clean sheets! They don’t smell too fresh even. I wonder who's been in here before me. We all know what happens in lodges. At least I got here okay

She told my children. All of them. My 27yr old son called me to berate me. My 25 yr old daughter too. My youngest daughter just cried. My eldest son couldn’t be bothered to talk to me. Imagine that, my own children - talking to me like that! My wife told me, she'd make sure they hated me. All of them. As I believe she does. I have lost my children's respect. But I lost my wife's a long time ago. I lost her long ago.

What do I do now? She's not going to move out yet. She'll only stay for the younger ones. And then she'll send them away too. Then she'll leave. I'll have nothing. I have nothing. Today, I am not a man anymore. To her, I've become an animal. But you know what I think? I think I am human. Maybe tomorrow will have answers. I am so very tired. Do you start afresh? A new life? What do you do at 59? I'll tell you what you do at 59, you die.

R.i.pped

2007-08-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I updated this blog. Made too many promises about being regular - kept none. Whatever happened to BHH? Does anyone know? Apparently there was one that no one told me about. I'd like to say I've been busy, but we all know that'd be a lie. Blogger mojo is at an all-time low. And somehow, I found myself semi-addicted to BBA - until Justice, the midget we all loved to hate was voted out. Then all the other attempts at entertainment sorta fell short.

So, a couple of days ago, I was chatting with a couple of friends. Now one of them was telling stories about how crazy the crime-rate was, down in South Africa. Apparently, you would be lucky to escape with your life. Down there, if anyone holds you up with a weapon, its "your money or your life". K'la by comparison is relatively safe - we concluded. Apparently, in S.A - your even advised to carry like a knife for protection. Where is this going?

There was girl I knew who always had a surgical blade for emergencies. Since they're tiny and she could carry it in her purse. On this one dark fateful night, she was cornered by a would-be mugger. He grabbed her arm roughly and demanded she hand over her phone. She told him she didn't have one.

He back-handed her - so hard she spat out blood.
In a frightened panic, she started rummaging through her purse to find her phone, but her hand closed round the blade.

Now according to her, she didn’t think but she shut her eyes tight, ripped it out of the purse, and in the same move - swung upwards, as hard as she could. The guy let out a guttural primal scream as she felt 2 areas of resistence. One probably the chest, the other - the mugger's face. And without looking back, she turned and ran.

That had to hurt!
We laughed about it. Even joked about getting ourselves surgical blades for emergencies, but then a friend of mine asked, "If you had a blade, could you really bring yourself to use it on a fellow human being…?"

I asked my sister the same question, and she answered affirmative - without even batting an eyelid. Quite shocking, no? I guess its different for women

Untitled

2007-08-06T05:39:00.001-07:00

There's a reason why man does not live forever
Everything must pass away
The moments, the memories
All that we try so hard to hold on to
Everything must fade away into nothingness
Until we have nothing to look back to

2007-08-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

Part of me weeps for the passage of time
Even through my progressively better life experiences
Each time I'm reminded of a time long gone
A song, a word, a smile, a memory
The passage of time somehow always jars me
I cant help but long for that one thing I can never have back

Birthday

2007-05-21T05:57:00.000-07:00

Today, I am a year older than I was yesterday. And if that's not cause for a long-overdue post, I dont know what is. In all my life, I cant think of any year that has been this eventful for me. So without much further ado, I present:

Dante's 5

1. Whitewater Rafting. Who knew that a 32 km stretch of River could be so much fun. Hands down this takes the cake for "Most Awesome" experience. EvEr! (So far, of cos). Just in case anybody wants to try it out, know this, the guides-they're liars.

You will be told there's 6 classes of traversable rapids. Truth is, there's 7. Only the professional rafters do Class 6 rapids. The last rapid, aptly named "The Bad Place" is no Class 5, its actually a Class 6. What you're not told, is that

In The Bad Place, you dont stay in your raft
You get sucked in so deep you cant tell which way is up
You're underwater so long your lungs will burn
There's rocks at the bottom
In The Bad Place, you must not scream
Every breath counts
You will break water for only about a second
Use that, to take only one breath
You only get one
And then you're sucked back in
Battered and Buffeted
Rinse and Repeat - Four times

What the guides do tell you though, is that it's like a washing machine. Bless them, it is. From there on when I tell people about my rafting experience, I shudder ever so slightly when I remember that last rapid. I tell them,

In the Bad Place, you live. You cheat Death here. And thats such a rush!

Effect: I got sunburn. That will teach me to flaunt my Melanin.

2. Bungee Jumping. This comes a close second. I did this right after the Rafting. My heart was still in my throat, but I thought, what the heck, and jumped anyway. With the Bad Place, you didnt know how ~~horrible~~ thrilling it was going to be. Here, you knew, running up those steps, to the platform 40 feet above an oddly still black river. You knew it was going to be awesome.

It didn't disappoint.

It helped a couple of girls jumped before I did. Twas good for the nerves. What that means, is that being a guy sometimes sucks. When it was my time, I went and sat. I was shivering. I dunno if it was from the cold, or fear, or adrenaline, or both - all. The girls said i looked like i was seated in an electric chair. and that i wasnt smiling. I managed a weak one.

I did feel like it was an electric chair.

The Jump Master was giving me advice, I could barely hear him over my thumping heart. I could feel his assistant binding my legs together. tightly. So tightly it hurt a bit. But that pain. the pain was good. I figured, it meant the tighter it was, the better my chances. The jump master told me, that all the others who'd gone before me, had just dropped off the ledge. And that he needed me to do it differently. To do it right.
He said he needed me to jump off.
He needed me to dive.
He needed me to fly.

In my mind, all i could think of, was that I couldnt hesitate. I couldnt think about it. I couldn't freak out. Because I'm a guy. I'm supposed to be the brave one. I'm supposed to be the fearless one. So I shuffled to the edge. It was impossible to walk. With my toes over the edge, I looked down. I shouldnt have. It was horrible. The water was so dark. He showed me a mark ahead of me to aim for. And he began his countdown. 3...2...1...GO! I looked down a second before I leapt off. For an instant I almost decided not to go. But it was too late. I'd leapt

On the way down. my eyes shut on their own. I remember feeling the wind rush by my ears. I didnt feel the rope. I didnt feel my legs. All i remember was the wind howling. It felt like forever. Then i felt a jerk. And my eyes were jolted open. I saw the water. And I remember it was so very dark. and blood suddenly rushed to my head. And I was jerked back up.

I bounced around a while. I dont remember much. Then the raft came below me. A guy told me to grab his paddle. And I was lowered on gently. He told me to look to the sky, it helped ease the pain of all this blood in my head. I'd felt like my head was about to explode. And it was over

Effect: I fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine. I've always wanted fly

3. Travel. Compared to the above 2 and the last one, this doesn't seem like much, but believe it or not, I'd never been outside Uganda. Let alone, central region. My life revolved around the City Centre and the folks down in my village, Rakai. An unexpected work project in Rwanda got me my chance to put a couple of stamps in my up-till-now useless passport, and explore new lands as a Foreigner.
This deserved mention because in travelling, I had quite a number of firsts. I took one of the longest road trips ever the very first time I left for Rwanda - very exciting for a first timer. And on another occasion we actually flew down there. Short trip, 45 mins tops. But it was an exciting first for me.

Effect: See above (but with wings, this time)

4. Blogger. Ah yes, how can I forget. The entire blogging community has been such an interesting part of my life this year. When you get to a certain age, it sorta becomes hard to make totally new friends with whom you can hang and talk just about anything, many things-most things, anyway. While bloggers seem similar at first, perhaps united by this common interest - blogging, they are as diverse in their interests and personalities as ... uh [to be filled in when invented]. Also, I did introduce a friend of mine to blogging. And lately, she blogs like a habit. At least that's one convert.
The one thing they do have in common, is that they're all very interesting people.

Effect: I met...

5. Carlo. Yes, yes and yes. Not one of the best kept secrets, but yes, I am dating this amazing girl. She is the one thing I didn't see coming this year. I saved her for last

Effect: Happyness ;)

On Holiday

2007-05-10T04:04:00.000-07:00

But u already knew that

Pepper

2007-04-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

Was reading the Red Pepper just recently and came across something that struck me as odd. The Red Pepper journalist was interviewing a Retired Cardinal (or someone big in the Church, I forget). This journalist was asking the Clergy man about what the Vice President should do on account of his sex scandal. The Clergy man said (forgive my inexcusable grasp of specifics) that he'd read about the sex scandal in The Red Pepper, and if it was true, the VP should resign.

That was amusing. the Clergy man reads the Tabloid.

This story reminded me of a time back then, when the Red Pepper was an underground tabloid. Which no self-respecting clergy man would admit to reading... in that same tabloid. A friend of mine told me his dad would buy it at the corner, from a really shady-looking dealer. Crack-coke style. How far the tabloid has come.

A long while later when the paper had started toning down some, ~~my dad~~ - ok, it wasn't my dad. It was another friend of mine's dad, would buy the tabloid, and stuff it in Bukedde newspapers. Now he knew we they didnt read Bukedde at all, so this went on for a while. Now, at the time I was on campus - so we used to read The Red Pepper all the time and laugh at all the gossip. So occasionally I'd get surprised when I'd go home and I'd find the house-maid using the tabloid for her charcoal stove. I'd think to myself - my friend's dad so hates this despeakable thing, he buys it so he can burn it.

So this one time, I went with him to work to do a short internship stint and he stopped by the place he buys newspapers. The newspaper dude came up to the passenger side and dropped a Bukedde, and a Red Pepper on my lap. You could have heard a pin drop. I think there was a sharp intake of breath too. I think in his routine, my dad musta forgotten I was sitted right next to him. You know the phrase, dying of laughter? I almost exploded.... but I didn't. I held it in as best I could.

He said something to the effect, "Anyway, I know you're all mature, you've seen these before."

To which I replied, "Why, of course, my friend's dad, we read that paper all the time on campus."

Unerasable Sin

2007-04-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

One of the strangest posts of mine by far, but here goes.

Been going through my small anime collection and came across what I felt at the time, was the saddest song I ever heard. It was the ending theme to FMA, called Kesenai Tsumi by Nana Kitade. The entire song was in Japanese, and get this, its a pop track. The title loosely translates to Unerasable Sin. I can't help but be fascinated by the Japanese language whenever I come across it. It always seemed to me quite emotive and expressive. In a strange way, listening to it, I always felt Japanese was a language of images. In a way, I felt they spoke of pictures. Hard to explain, but when someone would speak of a place, even with the subtitles, I felt I could see the pink cherry blossoms falling slowly in the wind. I'd see large gardens and tall temples. It was the strangest thing

Anyway, I looked up a translation to Unerasable Sin

With you in my usual sight I can breathe
Even though that's already plenty enough to me
The petty-me does nothing but repeat mistakes
How strong a strength do I need to have so that nothing will get hurt?
Without hesitation, I believe in this love and live on
I'll tightly embrace your unbandaged wound
And together we'll keep on walking, because we can't go back

Even now, the inerasable sin deep in my chest hurts
But I remember the painfulness of the love I lost back then
I'm a little perplexed by the vivid blueness of this sky
Even if I sacrificed something, I'd only believe in one thing
The color of the bloomed flowers in the instant
When your straightforward eyes reflect

Even if I'm powerless, I'll live on strongly in this destiny
We'll join our hands and our warmths will meld together forever
If so, even if the sins of more things to come will be painful
Matters little, as long as I'm with you
Even if we just turn against the waves of the world...

Without hesitation, I believe in this love and live on
I'll tightly embrace your unbandaged wound
Without hesitation, I live in this destiny and live on If I'm with you
Surely we'll be connected forever
And together we'll only look forward, even if nothing came to be done
Nevertheless, I'll keep on protecting you with my hands by all means

The saddest song I ever heard, its the strangest thing

Death

2007-03-13T04:27:00.000-07:00

Somehow, I think we all knew it would happen
Between us four, unspoken, but very real
Our journey home wouldn't be without event
And between the 12 and 14 mile marker
Miles from the border and civilisation
Something snapped
A shadow flew by - a tyre
My world grew dark
And our car began its uncontrollable spin

When you die, they say your life flashes before your eyes
The day I died, I don’t remember this to be true
No bittersweet memories, just regrets
What I do remember was the overwhelming sadness
Blanketing and stifling my every breath
The sorrow I'd cause the people I cared about was wrenching
I was sad for many things, but I regretted one

In that crowded space
I saw the people I called my friends
Robert's face was a frozen caricature of horror
I believe he was screaming - I couldn’t tell
Somehow, I didn’t feel his fear

Marcus, our driver wrestled with the wheel
It seemed, like a beast come alive in his hands
The vehicle lurching and spinning
The metal squealing and twisting unto itself
And outside, death on 18 wheels - fast approaching

Then I looked over at Jason
We'd been friends a long time, him and I
Only fitting he'd be there at the end
It'd be an honor to die with him
I smiled, mirthlessly
There is no honor in death
Not in this world - not this way

He turned ever so slowly and looked over
And everything seemed to shudder
His was the face of calm
Amidst the chaos and madness
His eyes
They did not waver - he did not flinch
He turned to me and seemed to notice I was there
He seemed to smile, and then he said
"Today is not the day I die"

And just like that, the light returned
The truck flew by not braking for an instant
Its horn blaring into the distance
I could smell the smoke
Debris and luggage from our car was strewn over that road
And somewhere
Someone was screaming -Robert

Writer's Block

2007-03-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

Anyone seem to notice how less often people are blogging after the last Happy Hour? Or is it just me? Perhaps meeting isn't having the intended effect? Or maybe, just maybe -having a real world community is tons more fun than simply the virtual- blogger one

Absence

2007-03-09T05:29:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I promised. But better late than never. I typed this out abt the Blogger meet ages back, but couldn’t bring myself to transfer from OneNote to Blogger. I feel silly posting this when the next meet is this Thursday, but what the heck.

Happy Hour was great. Got there a bit late, a bit nervous wondering what it'd all be like. Ivan spotted me and waved me over, and I got to meeting everyone. Turns out, I was the only new face; well not counting some "foreign-locals" - but since most of these guys had turned up for the previous Happy Hour and those who hadn't, already knew each other from before, I was the only one going through the whole "wow" phase, putting real faces to the people who's lives I'd only been reading about before.

Everyone was more or less what I expected. Dee had put up a video and had lots of pics already online. Carlo had tons of pics online too - so I already had an idea. I knew Ivan from the USDN (Underground Series Distribution Network - for u young-uns), I'd crossed paths with Cherie. I'd seen the 27th-comrade in pics from the previous meet. Ditto Jackfruity. And I'd seen Kelly's pics in her journal. Dennis is hard to miss - with the press thing and all, so he too, was familiar.

Degstar was the only new face, but he still fit the profile. It sucked my anonymity was dead. I kinda liked it, but the meet was worth it. The girls were beautiful. The conversation funny. I got to know a bit about everyone. Bloggers are quite the interesting, intelligent lot.

A while back, Minty blogged abt anonymity and how most people who blog are connected in some way. Now, I might have said something about how easy it would be for me to slip away, given I wasn't really connected to anyone; but it was amazing the little connections I had to almost everyone there

Degstar - worked with a good friend of his
Cherie - was course-mates with a friend of mine, who's room I frequented an awful lot while on campus. Seems she had eyes for him only (Soki - in case ur wondering Cherie)
The 27th comrade - we're both IT nuts
The One - well… uh, I dunno - I'll figure that out
Kelly - related (somewhat distantly) to her husband, & we share a name
Darlyne - Peter, from Budo
Carlo - wink, wink
Dennis - a team my sister was on, worked on a project for him

Headache

2007-02-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

Finally got this blog to show. Wonder whats up with blogger. Maybe its time to make the switch to beta. Hard to believe I haven't posted this long.

My excuses:
1. Been doing a teeny bit of travelling here & there - work related, but on the fun side
2. Someone I didn't want to find my blog did - & distributed the link all over the workplace. Now this wouldn't be much of a problem but
3. I wasn't sure anymore the direction I wanted my blog to take (can u believe that?). I know I should, by rule, be sticking to Remotely Personal stuff - but the temptation to go closer - it calls.

Expect a Blogger Happy-Hour post up here very soon

Reason

2007-01-16T06:26:00.000-08:00

I finally found it - reason. The light at the end of the tunnel

Road less travelled

2006-11-15T00:21:00.000-08:00

My name is Dante. I am jinxed

Everything remotely possibly disappointing seems to happen to me.
I am a last-minute person now. Its what my life has made me.
I was quite the story teller. I dont do that a whole lot lately.
My sister finds my tales too depressing.
Certain things happen to certain people only cuz certain people can stand them.
It is because of me that she believes this.
She figures if anyone had to go thru the stuff I go thru, they'd need a lot of help getting up in the morning.
What does she know?

I see my life as the calm before the storm
Almost too afraid to imagine the ferocity with which the storm will break.
The fury with which it will recriprocate.
For all thats gone wrong - a right
I deserve that much
Afraid that change is coming
Afraid of what that change will bring.

Afraid

Shout out

2006-10-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

Click here

Ummm...

2006-10-24T01:05:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not awol from my blog cuz I got the gig hence requiring I input copious amounts of time & resources into it to please my new bosses & work my way slowly but surely up the corporate ladder leaving little or no time for net-socializing, thus driving myself towards workaholicism(?) which at the height of my career will lead to the inevitable down-spiral into nervous breakdown, job dissatisfaction & depression, closely followed by every man's best friend, mid-life crisis.

No, I didnt get the job.

And yes, blogging does get boring. Its much much better reading other pple's blogs.

I bet everyone has one of those days when they realise, that while their life doesn't necessarily suck - it tends to be methodical. I wake up everyday & follow the same routine, without thinking much on it, then at the end of the day fall back into bed tired & wasted. Every once in a while, you do realise, that its not life that's methodical, its the attention you pay to the little things that happen

Yesterday was that kind of day.

I saw 2 crazy cocks on the way to work. One of them spied a chick~~hen~~ up ahead and ran after it. Nothing strange there. But the chick (terrified?), squawked and fled from the horny bastard... right into a group of ducks.

Later that day, a workmate was blazing Lionel Richie & the song kinda stuck. So I was singing it to meself as I walked around to say hello to a pal, and she remarked,

"Hey, 'Dante', I didn't know you could sing"

"I can't" I replied, a tad embarrassed

"Yeah well, I didn't imagine you could even mouth a song, we should do karaoke some time"

"Erm...."

So after work, I went and bought a guitar.
I looked at it that night & wz like what the hell? I can't play (but I can learn?), I can't sing (but I can try?) And there's always those extra chick points(huh?) (Oh you mean like the time you went to dance class? Remember how that ended?)

Friday

2006-09-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

I got a call, Tuesday. For some odd inexplicable reason, Celtel wanted me back for another interview. I sure as hell didnt ace the first one. I thought it was a joke. Disbelief, quickly turned to excitement, then just as quickly, to worry.

The meeting was scheduled for Friday, I chose to go in the afternoon, I was given a 12:15 appointment - so much for afternoon. I figured I had a lot of time to read for the interview. I'd previously gotten a whole lot of interview guides offline, that I'd browsed through, up till my previous disappointment.

This one was going to be an oral interview. The HRM obligingly let me know who was going to be on the committee - herself, and 3 other technical guys.

Wednesday

Thursday

I'd planned to do some reading on Thursday evening. I had most of the material I needed on my portable player. Unfortunately, it happened to be the day I discovered the DSTv guys had enabled the E! Channel on the ultra-cheap boquet i subscribe to. And everyone knows TV's my Kryptonite. I watched it all nite, then decided, I'd cut work most of Friday morning & read some, till the interview.

I ~~woke up late~~ had adequate rest. Took my time getting ready. In bed, I read some of the possible interview questions and appropriate answers. Had breakfast, then figured I'd get dressed & go early just in case. Time check 10:30 am.

I turned on the TV and landed on a Fishing show on ESPN. I dont know why it fascinated me just then. It was a competition - a bunch of guys baiting & catching sharks, measuring them then letting them loose (and getting points). Next thing I know, 30 minutes have gone by and I'm almost late.

Panic

2006-09-24T23:48:00.000-07:00

As I raced to the main road to get a taxi. Something suddenly occured to me. I had no idea what I was supposed to take along for the Interview. I vaguely remembered a friend of mine telling me that I'm supposed to take my original documents with me. Problem was, my docs were at work. Somehow, I'd moved with them the previous day & left my bag at work (cuz I didnt wanna carry it that Friday).

I arrived at the main road. Usually, I take about 40 minutes or so to get to town in the mornings. There's 2 possible routes I take. I had assumed I'd make good time, arriving at the Celtel offices 11:45pm, taking into account there'd not be as many traffic jams at that time of the day. I hadnt considered the fact that there'd be no taxis. Factor in picking my docs from work - I was screwed.

Time check: 11:05

With no taxi in sight, I wished to God I had a car. Car! It hit me. I quickly called up my mom, while thankfully a taxi pulled up. As I got in, I asked my mom, if she was using her car, she said she wasnt. But she wanted it back by 1:00. I assented. The taxi was basically empty so it kept making stops. I kept glancing at my watch - however, with the car, I was making good time.

My mom's office was enroute. So I got out, raced in, waved at the guard & receptionist. Swiped the keys from her desk. She began to say something, but I was already exiting, shouting I'd explain later. I got into the car & fired up the engine. One of the support staff at her place wanted a lift. I told him to hurry. While I was waiting, I used that time to actually put on my tie. It was tight, uncomfortable. I could feel the thudding of my heart in my throat. At work, dress code is casual - it would look weird if i walked in with a tie. They'd know something was up.

I called up a workmate & told him I'd beep him again when I got to building, so he could bring my bag down for me - To save time.

Time check 11:40

The dude who wanted a lift jumped in with a friend. I backed out of their parking lot and sped off like a loon. They wanted to be dropped off at Wandegeya. I told them, I was going to be avoiding a whole lot of traffic jams, so they settled for the Public Service building. We made small talk. Left them where they wanted, & I raced up the hill. Some nut was driving his Pajero in the middle of the road. I overtook him and swung right into the one-way route. I hadnt seen the car coming down abt to do the same thing. He hooted. I didnt care.

I sped all the way along Lumumba Avenue, through the roundabouts & got to work. Called the guy before I arrived told him I'd be infront of the building. Found there was no parking. So I double parked to the side. He found the car, handed me the bag. I pulled out the papers & stuffed them in an envelope I'd brought. Thanked him then raced off.

Being on automatic is a bad thing. But planning is not something you do when you're time bad. So I didnt really plan how I was going to get to the Celtel offices.

I avoided Jinja road & raced along the upper streets. After Parliament, I'd planned to go down and drive along Dewinton Road, but took the wrong lane into the junction. I cursed the idiot who was on my tail, and I was forced to go up to Crested Towers, then back down to Garden City.

I saw the jam as I swung out of the GC roundabout. It stretched all the way to the Jinja Rd roundabt. I cursed again. It was too late to go back round so sucked it in & got in line. It moved fast, I admit. But right now, nothing was fast enough. The clock in the car flashed midday. Its usually ahead, but I didnt know if my mum had set it right.

My heart pounded.

The jam dissolved and I surged ahead, people hooting in my wake. I drove to the next roundabout & made the turn up to Celtel and Hotel Africana. Blame it on panic, but I misjudged the distance. The last time I'd gone to the Celtel offices, I'd been on foot - the distance seemed longer then.

I made the mistake of glancing at the clock again, & to my horror, I realised I had shot past the turn into the Celtel offices.... almost. As I swung the wheel I realised 2 things.

1. I wasnt going to make it, at that speed
2. The guy behind me was too close.

So I did what any sane individual faced with a dilema like this would do.

I pulled the handbrake

Turn

2006-09-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

I have this buddy. He likes to live movies. Anything he sees done in movies, he likes to try out. So you can imagine The Fast and The Furious had quite an impact on him. As soon as that first movie came out, he went & had himself a street race with a neighbour one Sunday, along ... that road above the Golf Course- I forget its name. They got themselves chased down & caught that time by a plain clothed CID official, who thought they'd stolen the vehicles or something. The way he tells that story... good stuff. But this isnt his blog.

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is safe, & 10 is insanely stupid. For someone in my position, the handbrake turn was a definite 10.

1. I'd never done it before
2. Its only cool in the movies
3. Nobody told me there's that much smoke
4. It wasnt as loud, in the movies - last I remember

So anyway. I pulled the handbrake & swung the wheel. In that one moment, a bunch of things happened all too quickly. The tyres squealed behind me as the car lurched rather violently, the back spinning out. I was terrified. The wheel jerked around in my hands, & the smell of burning rubber was everywhere. The guy behind me hooted, skidded, but somehow got past me. The engine shuddered as I tried to accelerate a bit out of the street through the gate - only justremembering to put the handbrake back down. I had barely made it through when it gave in & died.

The askari came out of his room yelling, a couple of guys who were lazing around came running over. Saying I was shaken, is an understatement. Gripping the wheel tight was all I could do to keep from keeling over. When he(the askari) asked me what the hell happened, I told him I was late for an interview. & everyone burst out laughing. They laughed and slapped themselves high fives, I wz like what the hell? He then waved me into a parking spot.

I was a mess.

I took a couple of secs trying to calm myself down. Then got my stuff together & went into the building. I knew I'd already failed.

I was called up. I found myself facing the 4 panelists. The HR manager told me if i wanted a drink, I could have some water. A bottle was placed infront of me. I couldnt touch it. My throat was parched, my tie was killing me. But I was still shaking.

It was as bad as I'd thought it was going to be. I could have done my research better. They said they'd call me back if I'd got the job.

Y'all know how this ends

[Update: Edited out some of the bits that make me look like a total wuss.]

Disappointment

2006-09-18T00:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from Celtel, for an interview. I've never really done a formal interview before. All the gigs i'd gotten till now, were cuz I knew someone who knew someone who was looking to hire someone. So this was supposed to be an interesting change. The interview was written. I assumed it was going to be an aptitude-based kind of thing.

On the D-day, I was kinda surprised to meet my former campus roommate at the interview location. Turns out he'd applied for another position & we were all going do different written tests. He made fun of the fact that I was wearing a tie for a written interview. And pointed & laughed... & pointed. I pointed out he didnt even have a job - that shut him up. So, the previous night, he'd missed the movie night a group of us always have at a friend's. When I asked him abt it, he said he'd been reading... for this interview.

A tiny alarm went off, but i ignored it. I mean, i thought, who on earth reads for an aptitude test.

We went into the room, sat down with like 31 other potential candidates for the different jobs they'd advertised, and got test papers

Turned out it wasnt an aptitude test
It was so funny I laughed. Everyone looked at me funny.

Then they told us to start. It was a bittersweet eye-opener on how little I actually knew. Up until then, I'd always thought I was an IT whiz to extents. But there's no way I could've known everything they'd asked, even if I'd read. The range of questions were too diverse. So I did what I could and finished way before time so I could put this embarassment behind as quickly as possible.

Outside, I met a former campus classmate. We got a taxi, talked a while & laughed at how ridiculously difficult the test had been.
They told us, they'd have our results by the end of the day, and that only the successful applicants would be contacted.

Needless to say, I wasnt

[PS: This post is the foremost reason why I didn't go for the interview I posted about earlier below]

Signs

2006-09-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

The taxi guys were on strike again. I left work earlier than I usually do. But my early - is still late by regular work standards. I got to the stage where I pick my taxis from. I see a large crowd - empty taxis. Only when I asked, is when I learnt why this was so. The morons were over-charging again claiming there were no taxis working that day.

Usually, I suck it in & get on the taxi anyway, cursing inside all the way home. But this time, these taxis weren't even getting anywhere near where I get off, & they were charging at least twice what I usually pay - it was no contest.

So I waited.

I entertained myself with a Jackie Chan movie that was showing on the Huge screen on K'la Rd. You dont need sound to understand the complexity and depth that is Jackie-Chan action.

A few taxis came & left. There was a whole lot of solidarity from the crowd. Which was surprising. Usually this home crowd will take anything. So I stuck around. A taxi came by, it was charging sh.1000 to get to my place. I usually pay sh.700. sh.600 on a good day. I began to move.

Then I saw pretty girl.

She stayed put.

So I did too

Jackie Chan isnt so easy to watch when you're straining your peripheral vision to keep an eye out for an honest taxi operator, and another eye on your bag - and a defenseless young lady all alone in the dark. I stayed to make sure she'd be okay.

More time passed. I started regretting why i'd let the other taxi go. My restlessness was contagious. LonlyPrtyGrl caught it too. She seemed to suddenly make up her mind & she broke away from the crowd, crossed the road & walked out of my life.

Just then, a tour-bus came by. I've never taken a bus home. It had nice white lights inside & tall comfy-looking seats. Bless that honest conductor & driver. They were charging sh.800. The crowd had refused to budge at first. But then, as the driver began to pull away from the curb. One by one, we had a change of heart, and boarded. I was the 4th on. Then everyone else seemed to realise they'd not get a better deal & jumped on.

The ride back home was the most comfortable i've had in public transportation. The huge windows slid silently shut to dim out the blare of horns & traffic noise. Everyone was surprisingly quiet - only the barely audible hum of the bus engine running & the gears being shifted.

I noted, with silent amusement that the digital clock in the bus was showing 2:32. Then turned back to look out of the window and saw the silent world fly by. In the window reflection, I noticed the clock again. It had turned 2:33.

Strange, i thought to myself, backwards, it spells SEE...

Slackerville

2006-09-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

The hours drag. The days are long. Everything moves slowly. The boss is in a meeting all day- so there's no one to breathe down ur back, so you can pretend to be working. Welcome to my world.

I am, by no means, a slacker. I like my work. I like the freedom it allows me (under the umbrella of R&D). When you like what you do, it ceases to be work. So it is as much a surprise to myself to realize that whenever I'm asked how work is, the answer that immediately comes to mind is, "work sux". But it doesn't.

The company is going through a bit of restructuring. Three will become one. And as such that I find myself with zero projects coming in, that I can work on. I have this deep fear imma get axed at the end of the company merger. I mean, lets face it, a company merger inevitably leads to job redundancy, which in itself, means someone will get fired.

The funny thing is, i've been fired once before from this job, when we got new management, but they saw the error of their ways & hired me back - then got fired themselves. So it worked out pretty okay.

In the absence of purpose, fear breeds.

I have this job interview. I'm not going. Not cuz i'm a stupid coward, but cuz well - Temet Nosce. That's Latin. It means - "Know Thyself". I do not know why they even called me. The job i'm supposed to do involves a lot more than what I know, & what's indicated on my CV. When I got the call, i very quickly got into refreshing my knowledge on things I'd long forgotten. It was when i started on the things they'd expect me to know that it hit me. The nice lady who called said it was going to be a practical interveiw. Meaning, regardless of what I read, I was going to be asked to do something, then observed.

I choose life

Decision

2006-09-01T06:17:00.000-07:00

Browsing around the ugandan blogger community for the better part of 2 months, before I started to blog myself, I came to one ultimate decision. It would be a cold day in hell before I started a blog that was remotely personal. There is so much good material floating around my oh-so-interesting life story was bound to be yawned-at, trampled-on & discarded.

A long time ago, in a land far far away, when USSR & US (the bastard step-children of the World War) were still bickering after the Cold War, the USSR launched the Sputnik program. These were a series of unmanned space missions launched to demonstrate the viability of artificial satellites. Not to be outdone by his barbarian brother, the US rushed & created ARPA, later know as DARPA, which in turn pushed the Inter-networking project that grew to connect man to machine to machine to man, over continents & oceans and grew to become today's Internet.

(And that's how the Intarweb was born - and not that Al Gore story that's been going around)

The internet has, for a long time been run on gimmicks. Its main source of entertainment comes from the ability for one internet company to outdo the next, based on flash & pizzaz, which, at the end of the day boils down to a gimmick.

It is as such that i find myself looking for the next best gimmick. The one to rule them all. For purposes of mantaining a level-headed rant, I'll not go in too deep abt the first gimmick that drew me to the Net, but for sure, it was NSFW

As I grew, other interesting things started to come up. So many in fact, that my virtual life, is just as interesting or even more (~~at times~~.........rarely). First, it was Google. Then came Wikipedia. After that it was Youtube. Then chat. Finally, blogging.

Looking through all these famous time-wasting phases i've gone through, a pattern starts to emerge. Some might argue that the Internet seeks to distance the virtual from the tangible by creating an alternate form of existence, well, they'd be right - to an extent. At the end of the day, the activities that take most of my time, are interactive virtual experiences with real people. Hours spent on chat are testimony to that. Most of my internet-based experiences are emulations of realworld activities that i used to have a lot of time for, but suddenly dont, anymore.

Case:-
Wikipedia - Reading
Google - Encyclopedia
Youtube - I'd like to say cinema, but they're not quite the same
Chat - Human conversation
Blog - Journal

While this summary may not hold true for everyone, it does for me - for the most part. It is at that last point that i find myself. And its comparison is what I've been trying to run from. The one I swore i'd eat my non-existent hat over, if i succumbed. And succumb I have.

For how long this blog craze will last, I have no idea. But I'm sure as hell going to ride it till the wheels fall off.